Smoke and Mirrors

I have racked my brains and reached into its farthest recesses and I still cant pinpoint what caused this great desire to acquire ‘smokey eyes’. I seem to have developed into one of those people who, once they take an idea into their heads, must instantly rush about till they have achieved their objective, only to discard the whole thing a month later. Thus it was with eBay, thus it probably will be with scores of other things.

So first step, I googled the subject and ended up watching a YouTube video on how it was done (9 minutes of company time, while keeping an eye out for the Prowler – I must say knowing that he can pop up suddenly does add a certain frisson to my non-office related activities). Next step, a visit to my local Health & Glow, which yielded only a kohl pencil and a mascara that cost me an arm and a leg. At the first trial of my newly acquired weapons the result was somewhat disappointing: far from appearing sexy and mysterious, I looked like a drag queen. Not so said others who had more experience in these matters. So I decided to up the stakes and go to Lifestyle. The cosmetics salespeople there are amazing. Just wont take no for an answer. I think my boss should hire them to sell books. Thirty minutes with them and I couldn’t recognize myself. My sister said I looked like a Goth. I think she was being polite. ‘Fright’ would be a more accurate word. With the eyeliner, mascara, silver eyeshadow, black eyeshadow, foundation and lip gloss I’d morphed into someone else – a sort of cross between a bat and vampire. But with time, I began to get used to the look (adaptation is after all the key to the survival of the human race) and loaded down with more products than I will ever use in my life, I put my sunglasses on and went home.

This morning I woke up at 8:15 and even though I rushed through my usual activities I didn’t have time to do more than just apply some eyeliner. And I don’t see my time situation getting any better. So much for my new smokey eyes. When I first told my friends about this new obsession all of them gave me various bits of advice but the one that I never heeded was probably the best of all, saving as it did both time and money. I should have just got Orange Belt to give me a black eye instead.